tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post6295649718047578807..comments2024-03-01T06:20:29.087+00:00Comments on qualia and other wildlife: on trustrosellehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971482422276765335noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-33639911554037192812014-03-19T11:21:27.405+00:002014-03-19T11:21:27.405+00:00Thanks Roselle, we see our friends tomorrow – inte...Thanks Roselle, we see our friends tomorrow – interesting in the light of all this. I like that word you use: 'navigate' – just how it is. First thing to do: navigate through my own rough and rocky feelings.<br />Lovely to be seeing Bea again and to meet Rachael. Not long now.<br />MxAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-80683947068467624752014-03-18T09:12:20.860+00:002014-03-18T09:12:20.860+00:00Miriam I do so empathise. I'm interested that ...Miriam I do so empathise. I'm interested that you and J both 'resist' going on holiday with them - doesn't that say something?<br /><br />I know you know this, but if their friendship is that good, then your raising a sensitive issue won't shake it, but instead may strengthen it, for the honesty and opportunity to be kind and clear. If it doesn't - well, of course you'll cope.<br /><br />My guideline these days is, as I suggested above, if it makes your world feel bigger, it's a good friendship. (Of course there are tricky aspects in any friendship, and one hopes these can be navigated reciprocally and openly.)<br /><br />I think one of the hardest things is letting go of old once-strong friendships. But people change, and what served both parties once may not serve either now... Letting go is an art, too, isn't it?<br /><br />And - thank you as ever for deepening the conversation.<br /><br />Rachael, meet Miriam and Bea. All 3 of you will be on Iona with me :-).<br /><br />Love<br /><br />Rxrosellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00971482422276765335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-5861803479028302742014-03-18T08:34:54.699+00:002014-03-18T08:34:54.699+00:00Have thought much about this since first reading i...Have thought much about this since first reading it. Trusting oneself – that is such a challenge sometimes, especially, as you say Roselle about holding back, not being true to yourself for fear of causing disharmony, hurting people. It's also got me into deep water as well as when I am as straight with people as I aim to be, in the kindest possible way. We're facing a dilemma at the moment with two much-loved, long-standing friends, who nevertheless at times still try to put me down (then apologise) and never stop trying to persuade us that we must/should? go on holiday with them. We've always resisted – now I wonder if it'll cost us their friendship. If so, a great pity, for they're good, loyal friends otherwise, though we think unaware that their need to be generous can demand too much.<br />Struggling with two characters in my writing at the moment, I realise this whole subject of lack of self-faith and trust applies to them. It should have been obvious, but for a moment, being too close, I think I'd almost forgotten that.<br />For me, the dilemma is this: remaining true to oneself yet being able to cope with the fallout when it concerns relationships with others, as Rachael describes. I'm hoping that discussing it, calmly, sensitively, as equal adults, will help us keep our friends. I must trust that whatever happens I'll feel I've coped,done the right thing, even if the result is painful. <br /><br />This is why I visit this blog when I should be writing! It helps me write. It helps me. Thanks, as ever. Miriam xx<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-79545238041773745112014-03-17T17:16:04.466+00:002014-03-17T17:16:04.466+00:00And that's another helpful and expressive resp...And that's another helpful and expressive response, B. Indeed - it's very hard to correct our childhood experience of the world, and what a HUGE responsibility it is being a parent. <br /><br />But as you also say, it's never too late to learn to trust; to challenge the models that drive us from childhood. Then, our natural responses kept us safe; now, our learned responses from then can be inhibiting.<br /><br />And yes - first we have to learn that we can trust ourselves. Susan Jeffers addresses this in her 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway': it's our fear that we won't be able to COPE that holds us back much more often that the apparent thing - circumstance, event, situation - itself. <br /><br />How would we be, how strong would we feel, how differently we'd relate to the world if we were sure we could cope with everything life brought to us?<br /><br />Rxxrosellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00971482422276765335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-62057228042126864792014-03-17T10:08:45.236+00:002014-03-17T10:08:45.236+00:00And this:
How to trust ourselves??
Trust, as I wro...And this:<br />How to trust ourselves??<br />Trust, as I wrote elsewhere, is something like the warmth rooted in respect, acknowledgement and acceptance, the certainty that we are worth being taken seriously and not deceived. It is something that manifests daily in our lives. <br />An empty promise, thoughtlessly or absent-mindedly made, can undermine trust. <br />The toddler or small child, not being able to place absent-mindedness adequately and forgivingly into his/her growing system of values, not being able to see thoughtlessness in perspective, will grow up with an iridescent image of trust. <br />Trust is the fertile and ploughed soil for us as children to grow up and walk on; if it is soft, humid and boggy, we will automatically step on this ground more cautiously, sensing that we may also hit a hidden water bubble and stumble or sink.<br />Experiencing however that the soil is safe to walk on, we will feel physically and mentally strengthened and develop trust in ourselves.<br />This experience is certainly easier to make for the toddler; it is never too late to make it though!<br />B xx<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-55225548276326644312014-03-17T09:16:34.062+00:002014-03-17T09:16:34.062+00:00Rachael, thank you. I think this is key, and I'...Rachael, thank you. I think this is key, and I'm glad you isolated and posted it: 'One of my past major insights was that if I could trust myself to deal with whatever came up in a relationship then I could trust the relationship.' <br /><br />Absolutely. I once wrote that the relationships we make with another are only as good as those we make with ourself. This, of course, is crucial: we can only trust another if we can trust ourselves.<br /><br />Thank you for this important insight, Rachael.<br /><br />Love, Rxrosellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00971482422276765335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-78994456576405673332014-03-17T09:10:29.050+00:002014-03-17T09:10:29.050+00:00Bea - that is both poetic and romantic - and THANK...Bea - that is both poetic and romantic - and THANK YOU! With love xxrosellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00971482422276765335noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-20227842810056595682014-03-17T09:10:17.662+00:002014-03-17T09:10:17.662+00:00O Roselle, you've triggered so many thoughts t...O Roselle, you've triggered so many thoughts that I may have to write my own article. OMD's quote was crucial to me once when I had to break a long association. I think there's a naive trust that we start with, which grows into a more mature informed trust based on life experience rather than assumption. One of my past major insights was that if I could trust myself to deal with whatever came up in a relationship then I could trust the relationship. The key being that knowing my strengths and weaknesses can I trust myself? And if I am trustworthy I will tend to be around those who are also trustworthy. There are always curve balls however, people who turn out not to be who we think the are, and they can be very persuasive.Rachael Clyne Poet & Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04214081651625335337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5055598777203654547.post-64556617201073402762014-03-17T07:57:21.856+00:002014-03-17T07:57:21.856+00:00Hi Roselle
Last night I went to bed with your trus...Hi Roselle<br />Last night I went to bed with your trust post - you know that this is a core point in my life - and today I woke up with this:<br />Trust - two parallels in love who make wedding arrangements for infinity!<br />Have a lovely day! With love BeatriceAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com